Author: Emma

Kicking Limbo and Moving to the New Normal.

Life has been crazy! 2020 has completely been a write off…or has it? The world is currently in a crazy and surreal time and for me, personally, I’ve been lost. I have barely been functioning. I go to work every weekday and I come home. My plans for eating healthier, being more positive, trying to build a well-being regime to try to overcome the negative side effects of living with Anxiety and Depression just did not happen. I’ve been plodding along and I have been struggling. Plans for self improvement have fallen by the way-side and it is time to stop. Reassess and try to get back on track. I had initially planned for that to be starting in June…and then July and well it’s the 4th of July but the importantly thing is I am trying to take baby steps back into being more positive.

Day 1: Today.

I have been wanting to sort my nails out for a while. I used to give myself gel nails and they looked nice, but a temporary work transfer to a warehouse and manual labour took their toll on my nails. So did the chewing off my fake nails on more than one occasion, but we are going to gloss past that. We are also going to gloss past the chewing on the real nails too. Long story short, my nails are in need of love and care. I need to give them some love and care. I will share more in a more in-depth post, hopefully, if I can actually manage to get into the habit of writing on my blog again!

My face, building a wellness and well being routine. Coming home from work and giving myself some much needed self love. Taking the time to have a break each day after work and spending some time to relax and look after myself. A little act of self love. I recently past a mile stone in my training at work so I took the opportunity to treat myself with some new products. They arrived three days ago and on the Thursday they came and yesterday, Friday, I did spend some time applying them and looking after my skin and I felt good having spent the time giving myself some self love and wellness.

My hair. Probably like everyone’s hair currently is struggling. I am unhappy with it and it needs a cut. It is gross and currently in need of a wash but I am putting that off to let those natural oils build up to give it a boost. I used to wash my hair once a week but with my hair looking awful, the fringe has gone and it is in the awkward trying to grow phase, that I don’t actually want to go through – I want a fringe!!! Plus there is the ugly ass forehead. I swear my forehead is too big and it needs to be covered with a fringe. I hate it. It needs a cut. Thankfully, the hairdresser’s are back opening in the UK TODAY and my hair appointment is booked in and I look get that sorted. I’ve always treated myself to a hair mask in the attempt to try and nurture my hair and a headscarf to try and protect my hair as I sleep.

So this blog? Where is it going? I don’t know, honestly. I am just writing it for myself. I don’t actually think anyone reads it anyway but I am enjoying writing. I need a creative outlet and I would like to work on that a bit more. I have set myself a challenge to at least write three blog posts from this one so who knows, hopefully another blog post may follow shortly. Who can say? I do think it is time to start reclaiming 2020 back though!

Breaking up with your Filofax.

That’s it. I’ve had enough. I am officially done with planners.

It’s a relatively new topic on this blog, but my previous blog had quite a number of posts about Filofaxes. Looking back at the rationale for starting this blog was for an unconscious break away from what had come before. My most popular posts on that blog are about Filofaxes, different styles, how to design layouts. In reality, that isn’t something that interests me anymore and it is not something I need anymore.

At the high of my interest of planners and wanting to be productive. I was in the middle of a degree where being organised with deadlines, maximising my time effectively an being able to reference my material was key. I used my planner a lot from writing notes from lectures, finding books and materials, what to consult next. Everything. I used my planner. It worked. I did well at my degree.

However, when it was not about university, life aspects did not really filter into my planner. I would set goals, track my water, my weight, my exercise. Track taking medication. Write lists about tasks that needed to be done. But none of it seemed to work.

I really love the idea of journaling, I tried a seperate journal. Didn’t work, especially if it was big and bulky and transporting to and from uni. Tried journaling in a personal size. Did not work. Tried every size of planner I can think of. It wasn’t working.

I know my preferred size of planner. A6. I know I prefer rings to bound notebooks. However, A6 is a nightmare. It is not a standard Filofax size, filofax do not stock it and when I first decided I liked the idea of trying an A6, there was very limited suppliers. I was fortunate to meet up with someone who went to the same uni and I looked at a Van der Spek. Decided it was worth the investment. However, with time and the use of a favourite compact bag, a bulky planner just didn’t work, even if it was the correct size. The idea of getting a custom sounds great…and expensive, but would it just be another abandoned planner on the shelf? Yes, probably it would be.

A post on my once loved and often visited Philofaxy facebook group highlighted that. I like the idea of planning, but essentially there is nothing I need it for and I have a good enough memory that I remember the things I need to remember and I don’t need to keep myself organised.

There is still this nagging feeling that I am not living my full potential. I am not using my time effectively…but what does that even mean? I’m effective at work. I achieve targets without a planner. I don’t need to consult pages of notes previously made. I rarely ever look back on notes.

In my personal life, I would make to do lists. Big lists of things I wanted to achieve get done. Feel overwhelmed and not do it. So I would just set a timer and do a task for however longer I wanted to spend on it. I know what needs doing. I don’t need to have it marked on a piece of paper to tick it off.

So I can’t get into the habit of journaling, I don’t need to organise myself and I don’t really plan. I can’t find my ideal planner in a commercial setting so would need to be a custom. I have tried and I just don’t need a planner. I love the idea of having one but I just cannot make it work. If only I had reached this conclusion before the expense of a load of planners and a load of failed attempts.

Designing a Filofax

Although this is a new topic to this blog, I regularly used to write about my Filofax on my old blog (you can read about those posts here). I used to love my Filofaxes but for more than a year they have sat neglected on my shelf. I miss them, however they were not working for me.

I have never been a fan of anything bigger than A5 size. I think A4 always intimidates me. That big blank empty page and the need to fill it…I just have never liked it. I used to favour A5 for writing notes for university, but an A5 filofax can be heavy and too heavy for me to carry to and from uni with the bag load of books I used to carry around with me as well.

The next size down filofax traditionally sold was the personal size. It’s not a standard A-size. It is taller and narrow – fantastic for lists but I never really liked the size for writing notes.

My personal favourite is the A6 size. I find A6 paper the best for jotting down notes and using as a diary. I have two A6 size filofaxes, those were actually made by Van der Spek, because A6 is not a size filofax accommodates. I love these planners, but for an A6 size they are just so big. It feels like almost like an A5 in terms of size, although thankfully not the weight. I bought a new bag which I adore and use it all the time – but it could only JUST fit in my filofax, with no room to spare. So I abandoned the Filofax and after a fruitless search for an TRUE A6 size paper planner (they must exist surely?), I settled for using an A5 Lechttrum. It doesn’t go with me alot of the time, it stays at home which defeats the point of using it.

I want a planner again, with rings but I don’t want the bulk. Luckily Van der Spek provide the option of designing your own planner. I once entered a competition to design a filofax. Whilst I like the idea of the design it just would not work for me.

My entry

So I feel the only way for me to get back into rings, and to use a Filofax again is to design my own…which is a bit intimidating for me. What if I spend the time and money making a planner and then it STILL doesn’t work for me and what I want from it.

That is why I am writing this post, to the Filofax and Van der Spek community.

I am asking for advice, have you made a customised Van der Spek? What were the lessons you made from making one? What do you wish you had learnt before taking the plunge to design them.

Also…what are your MUST HAVE features for a planner, if you could only pick ONE aspect of a planner (ie. Pen loop, card slots, pockets, ring protectors) what would you pick? What do you need from a planner?

Please spam me with your thoughts and for those of you in Lockdown, bored and would like to help design a minimalist A6 planner, please show me your ideas.

The Changing World

The world is changed.

I feel it in the water.

I feel it in the earth.

I smell it in the air.

Much that once was is lost.

Galadriel – The Lord of the Rings

It feels like another lifetime ago when I wrote my last blog post. In reality it has been about five weeks. Covid-19 seems to have altered life almost beyond all recognition.

I was fortunate enough to start a new job just before Coronavirus broke out. I almost thought I wouldn’t have started but I did and was at work for three days before they suspended my training to make way for emergency measures to help deal with the pandemic. I was moved to another department and I am still working every weekday.

I am grateful that I still have the opportunity to go out to work everyday in a world of lockdown. Recently spending four days at home over the Easter Bank Holiday period was so weird. I was bored. I didn’t know what to do with myself but I knew I didn’t want to go outside and do something because being out every weekday and dealing with people from different households to your own can be very stressful, particularly if they do not follow social distances rules and don’t seem to care about the situation.

What is worse is just how negative and hostile the world now seems to be. I almost avoid Facebook now and I have blocked people because of just the negativity and digs people make at random things.

Today, people were getting fed up with Tom Moore and how everyone is making a big deal out of him for basically doing nothing. For those that are not aware. Tom Moore, fought in the Second World War in the Royal Navy and at the age of 99. Decided to do 100 laps of his 25m garden with his walker in the hope of raising money for the NHS. He ambitiously set a target of £1,000 in a hope that friends and family would donate. However, it went viral. At the time of writing this post he has raised over £26 million and is now realising a song in the hope of making it to number 1 to raise yet even more money for the NATIONAL health service. To benefit the nation at a time of an international health pandemic.

I think more than ever I am now learning the need to distance myself from the negativity in life. Focus on enjoying the moment and letting go on the things I cannot control and focusing on the things I can.

I do not know how long this pandemic will last and what the world will look like when it reemerges from lockdown but I am grateful for my health and the lessons I am learning.

Rosemary Soap

I have finally made my first soap of 2020! It certainly took me long enough.

It’s a base mixture of Castor oil, Coconut oil, Olive oil and Palm Oil.

I used Rice Water for my water. I soaked rice over 24 hours in water and then put it in the freezer to make ice cubes. Later mixed with Lye to make my Lye water.

I kept it simple by not adding colourant but added Rosemary essential oil for the fragrance.

Now the waiting game to wait for it to cure…

Sodium Coco Sulfate and the SLS free Myth

When I was 19 I developed Alopecia, which is a condition that causes hair loss. Now, I went through a lot of tests to try and understand what was causing my hair loss and the results were inconclusive, it wasn’t my Thyroid and the Doctors could only determine it might have been stress-related. At the time I didn’t feel particularly stressed, but I did after my hair started falling out.

I spoke to a nurse and she recommended that I needed to be incredibly gentle on my hair – gone were dying my hair crazy colours, the straightening iron was out too, as was brushing or combing my hair whilst wet. She always recommended that I use Simple shampoo and conditioner because they were more gentle and kept the ingredients simple.

In my 20s I discovered Lush, their skincare and their shampoos and conditioners. I was in love. I was in love with their New shampoo, particularly as it was designed to boost, shine and stimulate my hair. I also adored Veganese conditioner – it smelled divine, didn’t weight down my hair and made my hair shiny. Completely sold and in love.

Now because my hair was delicate I was told not to wash it every day, which I had been doing and stretched to every other day. I tried a few more Lush shampoos, Seanik and Squeaky Green. I had real issues with Squeaky Green, at first, it made my hair squeaky clean and I loved it, but my scalp did not love it, it became very dry, itchy and I developed flakes. Unfortunately, because I was washing my hair every other day as well, the problem just became worse and I stopped using Lush’s haircare products.

I later discovered the No ‘Poo movement and the use of a chemical called Sodium Lauryl Sulfate, which is often abbreviated to SLS. People were saying that SLS is that chemical that makes shampoo lather and produce those nice bubbles that get hair so clean…heaven…but they also strip out all your natural oil. Your hair will produce more oil to compensate for the loss and so you get into this vicious cycle of the more you wash your hair, the more you need to wash your hair because it becomes greasy at a faster rate. In fact, you only need about 5% of SLS in a product to cause irritation in a ‘normal’ scalp, those with more sensitive scalps will become even more irritated by it. I looked at the Lush ingredients and discovered that all the shampoos I had been using and the Veganese conditioner contained SLS. So I decided all commercial shampoo was ‘evil’ (I didn’t really but did think natural was best). I am a historian and have always looked at women’s hair of a bye-gone era and thought how beautiful it was (apart from the wigs, powdering of hair phase etc). I read and discovered that Victorian women washed their hair about once a month, and it was not until the 1930s that commercial shampoo came into prominence. So I decided to go no ‘poo. It wasn’t a great experience, often it is difficult to wash your hair and not miss bits because there was no foam to see where you are washing. My hair also felt incredibly dry from the Baking Soda mixture and it just didn’t look great. So I went back to using commercial shampoo but avoided SLS, thankfully I had transitioned a little so I can get away without washing my hair all the time, I generally wash once or twice a week now, I aim to leave my hair a good 4 to 7 days before washing it again.

Now some companies that make shampoo bars have been jumping on this anti-SLS bandwagon and producing shampoo bars without SLS and marketing them as SLS free. I’ve stumbled across two of them so far this month.

One is sold by a company called Soul Good Stuff and it is marketed as being a Soul Good Stuff product, one of the company representatives said it was not their brand. It claims to be:

A nourishing and easy to use SLS-free Shampoo bar which leaves hair feeling soft, shiny and clean – usually achieved without the need for apple cider vinegar rinses or a transition period due to the use of a milder coconut based detergent which helps to clean hair.

Mint Sorcery Shampoo Bar at Soul Good Stuff

Another shampoo bar that labels themselves as SLS free, is Grüum. However, the key ingredient they use in both the Soul Good Stuff and Grüum shampoo bars is. Sodium Coco Sulphate. Now I had actually come across this sulphate in late February because it is now being used in some of Lush’s newer shampoo bars and I researched it. Turns out it is actually wrong for companies using this sulphate to label their product as SLS-free because it contains SLS. Let me explain:

SLS can come from petroleum, coconut oil or palm oil and it basically is isolating the lauric acid within these products and then mixing it with sulphuric acid and then neutralising with an alkali.

Now Sodium Coco Sulphate is a little different because it takes all the fatty acids from the Coconut and then mixes them with sulphuric acid and then neutralising it was an alkali, in the same process that creates SLS. But if SLS is made by isolating one fatty acid from a coconut, and Sodium Coco Sulphate using all of the fatty acids from the coconut…I think you can see what I am getting at here…shouldn’t SLS be present in Sodium Coco Sulphate? The answer is yes. At least 50% of Sodium Coco Sulphate contains SLS.

Now, I read that Sodium Coco Sulphate is more gentle than SLS, and I went to Lush last week and looked into some of their new shampoo bars and conditioners. I was talking to one of the servers and I explained that I used Lush before, loved their products but my scalp did not love SLS and I read that some of your new shampoo bars use less SLS. She actually said it was great that I was aware that these shampoos are NOT SLS free and they cannot say they are SLS free, but they are REDUCED in SLS compared to some of their older formulas. I got two new shampoo bars and a new conditioner from Lush to try.

What annoys me is the other companies that market themselves as SLS free, Lush do not and they state that Sodium Coco Sulphate contains SLS. So why if Lush is not doing it, why are the other companies. It goes back to my Devacurl: What Should We Be Learning? post in February. We should be looking at what is in our products.

I did speak to Soul Good Stuff on Facebook when another individual asked if their products were SLS-free. I took a screenshot from my phone and I went back today to get a clearer picture but I could not find the post, please excuse the fact I misspell Lauryl:

What really gets to me, is that people selling these products market it as SLS-free, when it is not, and then they don’t even know what is contained within some of their own ingredients. It makes me more concerned than ever about reading the labels and understanding what is in them because it seems that companies are happy to market a falsehood and do not always understand their products. I have to say though, I was really impressed with Lush, the person I spoke with’s knowledge and then ethics of the company, that even if it contains a tiny amount of SLS, and by requirements they do not have to advertise that it contains SLS because of the trace amounts, Lush will list it and acknowledge what is in their products.

Free Soul Recipes

Here are some of the Free Soul recipes I tried during the month of February.

Banana Milkshake:

  • 1 Banana
  • 2 scoops of Vanilla Free Soul powder
  • 200ml of Water

Berry Good Smoothie:

  • 80g Frozen Strawberry, thawed
  • 80g Frozen Blackberry, thawed
  • 40g Mixture of Frozen Redcurrants and Blackcurrants, thawed
  • 1 Banana
  • 2 Scoops of Vanilla Free Soul Powder
  • Water, depending how thick you want the consistency to be.

Mango Lassi:

  • 80g of Frozen Mango, thawed
  • 1 Banana (will give it the creamy texture instead of yoghurt, plus one of your five a day)
  • 2 Scoops Vanilla Free Soul Powder
  • A little water to get it moving, be careful not to dilute the Lassi too much

Protein Pancakes (do not make, so disgusting!):

  • 1 banana
  • 2 scoops of Vanilla Free Soul Powder
  • 1 egg
  • A little Vanilla Extract
  • Mix together to make a batter and fry for a couple minutes on either side. Burning slightly improves the taste!

Tropical Smoothie

  • This has to be my favourite.
  • 80g Frozen Mango, thawed
  • 80g Frozen Pineapple, thawed
  • 1 Banana
  • 2 Scoops of Vanilla Free Soul Powder
  • Water, depending how thick you want the consistency to be.

Yoghurt and Granola

  • 100g yoghurt of your choice
  • 1 scoop of Free Soul Powder of your choice
  • Top with the amount of Granola you want.

Protein Shakes: Her Free Soul

As part of my quest to try and be more healthy (and maybe loose weight in the process), I decided that being vegetarian reduced my protein intake. A lack of protein can effect an intake of B vitamins which help with cell metabolism. Simplistically B vitamins can help in the production of red blood cells and neurotransmitters. The benefits of having B vitamins can help with the reduction of anxiety, depression and improve energy. I have known for years I have lacked B vitamins being vegetarian and these past couple of weeks I have been tired and lethargic. I wanted to address that and thought I would introduce a protein shake into my diet.

I have and probably never will be a big breakfast fan so I figured instead of skipping breakfast I could introduce a protein shake into my diet. Similarly rather than reaching for that very tempting bag of chocolate of an evening I could instead supplement that with a protein shake. These are not intended to be a replacement meal with in my diet but more adding a meal I would rarely eat anyway and offering an alternative to an unhealthy (well at the levels I eat chocolate it is unhealthy, as I have no moderation when it comes to chocolate) snack in an evening.

I had been looking at meal replacement shakes and looking at different brands before Christmas before deciding that I did not think it was healthy for me to give up a relationship with food and replace it with shakes. Unfortunately I have not always had the best relationship with food. I am quite neophobic – I hate trying new foods and new meals. If I have it into my head that I will not like a food for possibly trying it when I was a child, to not liking the texture (for example, I could cook a load of vegetables and make a stew and eat it, but blending that into a soup…I won’t eat it). I still need to have a relationship with food and work on making it as positive as I can. So meal replacement was not an option, but adding something additional to my diet was.

I decided on trying Her Free Soul shakes. What drew me to them was the aim of their product which was to:

Help regulate female hormonal balance

Sources of vitamins, minerals and fibre

Improves energy, focus and athletic performance

Contribute to physical and mental well-being

Reduce tiredness

Improve mood and psychological function

Her Free Soul

This appealed for me so I decided to take a little more of a look around the website. They have a Whey powder which is vegetarian and a Vegan powder. I decided to take advantage of their New Year 20 percent discount code and ordered the Whey Protein Starter Pack. This pack included two bags of Whey Protein Shake, a tumbler drinks container and a bag. I would have opted for the Whey Protein Blend + Shaker or just the protein shakes on their own but with this discount it meant I wouldn’t have got free shipping with them and this allowed me to order both flavours (the Whey Powder only has two flavours, whilst the Vegan option has more).

I loved the slogan on the box the products were delivered in. My slogan now comes with bite mark customisation

Delivery was fast and I was able to get them within 48 hours.

My initial impressions of them are quite positive. I really like the taste of the vanilla one and that is my favourite of the two. The chocolate one I did not feel was very chocolatey, at first I thought this was because I added 400ml rather than the recommended 250-300ml of liquid. I followed the recommendations the second time and I still didn’t feel it was as chocolatey as I would like. Third time I added a teaspoon of Hot Chocolate powder to it, and the fourth time I added 2 teaspoons and the taste is more to my liking. It is chocolatey enough now that I consider it a treat shake and an equal replacement to giving up a bag of chocolate. For now I have only tried them with adding water (and the additional chocolate powder), but over the course of February I may experiment with adding different liquids or food items to the shakes. I might even experiment with baking with the powder. I did transfer the contents from their original packaging to a glass container so I could see how much powder I had left and I am not always the best at keeping the sealed packages closed.

I’ll check back in at the end of the month to give another review of how I feel about the shakes and whether I feel they have made an improvement to my diet.

Box was successfully upcycled into the Kitten’s playbox. Result.

Plan of Action: March

Spring is here, maybe? I don’t know. The weather of late has been pretty sad and depressing. It has definitely put my off last month’s plan of walking more. However, I am still trying to make small but permanent changes that will hopefully over this year actually become permanent.

  • Protein Shakes

I started this last month and I’m going to continue in March. My plan is to have 4 scoops a day.

  • Exercise!

Last month didn’t really go down for exercise. My aim is to do 10,000 steps a day with running and walking. I’d also like to start working on my core and strengthening it, but this month will be more trying to work it into my day rather than pushing myself. So I will look at beginners plank challenges and work up to trying to survive a minute of planking (hate planking). My plan is also to get out when the weather is nice but if it is not I will go to the gym…and push myself to actually go.

  • Corset/Waist training

I own a waist trainer and I briefly used to wear it when I slept. However, I have been looking into it a bit more and I read about someone who wears a waist training for Anxiety. Since I am starting a new job this month I really want to focus on trying to find techniques to help my anxiety and depression. I also think that waist training will help to target the area of my body I have self esteem issues. It’s an experiment for a month with an inexpensive waist trainer and I’ll see how it goes.

  • Mindfulness

As mentioned above. I am starting a new job. So I planning to take me time in the evenings to relax and rest. I’m planning to make some cooling DIY sheet masks and I have just purchased an Aromatherapy Humidifier Light. I’m going to focus on relaxing and maybe look into mediation. Also I am going to try body brushing and Gua Sha for my face take the time to do something that feels good and take the time to relax whilst doing it.

  • Vegan-ish

I’d like to try and look at a vegan diet. Now my protein shakes contain Whey powder so they are not vegan. I also want to eat some butter and cheese to help promote healthy hair so there will be some limits to a vegan diet right there. That being said I also want to explore more vegan proteins, more vegetables and would like to aim to have one vegan meal a day. I would also like to try to explore alternatives to bread or a least cutting down my bread consumption, which isn’t high to begin with but I find that quite often when I do not know what to eat I turn to a sandwich and bread as a quick option. I’d like to try to meal prep a little more and look at freezing more portions of healthy meal preps and looking for healthier options when I am in that ‘I don’t know what to eat’ phase.

  • Water

I did have a pretty revolutionary break through with water last month. I’ve found it slipping a little bit this last two days. So that slight transgression needs to be nipped in the bud because it becomes a regression back into old habits.

I’ll check back in at the end of the month to see how well my goals have been progressing.