Life has been crazy! 2020 has completely been a write off…or has it? The world is currently in a crazy and surreal time and for me, personally, I’ve been lost. I have barely been functioning. I go to work every weekday and I come home. My plans for eating healthier, being more positive, trying to build a well-being regime to try to overcome the negative side effects of living with Anxiety and Depression just did not happen. I’ve been plodding along and I have been struggling. Plans for self improvement have fallen by the way-side and it is time to stop. Reassess and try to get back on track. I had initially planned for that to be starting in June…and then July and well it’s the 4th of July but the importantly thing is I am trying to take baby steps back into being more positive.

Day 1: Today.

I have been wanting to sort my nails out for a while. I used to give myself gel nails and they looked nice, but a temporary work transfer to a warehouse and manual labour took their toll on my nails. So did the chewing off my fake nails on more than one occasion, but we are going to gloss past that. We are also going to gloss past the chewing on the real nails too. Long story short, my nails are in need of love and care. I need to give them some love and care. I will share more in a more in-depth post, hopefully, if I can actually manage to get into the habit of writing on my blog again!

My face, building a wellness and well being routine. Coming home from work and giving myself some much needed self love. Taking the time to have a break each day after work and spending some time to relax and look after myself. A little act of self love. I recently past a mile stone in my training at work so I took the opportunity to treat myself with some new products. They arrived three days ago and on the Thursday they came and yesterday, Friday, I did spend some time applying them and looking after my skin and I felt good having spent the time giving myself some self love and wellness.

My hair. Probably like everyone’s hair currently is struggling. I am unhappy with it and it needs a cut. It is gross and currently in need of a wash but I am putting that off to let those natural oils build up to give it a boost. I used to wash my hair once a week but with my hair looking awful, the fringe has gone and it is in the awkward trying to grow phase, that I don’t actually want to go through – I want a fringe!!! Plus there is the ugly ass forehead. I swear my forehead is too big and it needs to be covered with a fringe. I hate it. It needs a cut. Thankfully, the hairdresser’s are back opening in the UK TODAY and my hair appointment is booked in and I look get that sorted. I’ve always treated myself to a hair mask in the attempt to try and nurture my hair and a headscarf to try and protect my hair as I sleep.

So this blog? Where is it going? I don’t know, honestly. I am just writing it for myself. I don’t actually think anyone reads it anyway but I am enjoying writing. I need a creative outlet and I would like to work on that a bit more. I have set myself a challenge to at least write three blog posts from this one so who knows, hopefully another blog post may follow shortly. Who can say? I do think it is time to start reclaiming 2020 back though!

That’s it. I’ve had enough. I am officially done with planners.

It’s a relatively new topic on this blog, but my previous blog had quite a number of posts about Filofaxes. Looking back at the rationale for starting this blog was for an unconscious break away from what had come before. My most popular posts on that blog are about Filofaxes, different styles, how to design layouts. In reality, that isn’t something that interests me anymore and it is not something I need anymore.

At the high of my interest of planners and wanting to be productive. I was in the middle of a degree where being organised with deadlines, maximising my time effectively an being able to reference my material was key. I used my planner a lot from writing notes from lectures, finding books and materials, what to consult next. Everything. I used my planner. It worked. I did well at my degree.

However, when it was not about university, life aspects did not really filter into my planner. I would set goals, track my water, my weight, my exercise. Track taking medication. Write lists about tasks that needed to be done. But none of it seemed to work.

I really love the idea of journaling, I tried a seperate journal. Didn’t work, especially if it was big and bulky and transporting to and from uni. Tried journaling in a personal size. Did not work. Tried every size of planner I can think of. It wasn’t working.

I know my preferred size of planner. A6. I know I prefer rings to bound notebooks. However, A6 is a nightmare. It is not a standard Filofax size, filofax do not stock it and when I first decided I liked the idea of trying an A6, there was very limited suppliers. I was fortunate to meet up with someone who went to the same uni and I looked at a Van der Spek. Decided it was worth the investment. However, with time and the use of a favourite compact bag, a bulky planner just didn’t work, even if it was the correct size. The idea of getting a custom sounds great…and expensive, but would it just be another abandoned planner on the shelf? Yes, probably it would be.

A post on my once loved and often visited Philofaxy facebook group highlighted that. I like the idea of planning, but essentially there is nothing I need it for and I have a good enough memory that I remember the things I need to remember and I don’t need to keep myself organised.

There is still this nagging feeling that I am not living my full potential. I am not using my time effectively…but what does that even mean? I’m effective at work. I achieve targets without a planner. I don’t need to consult pages of notes previously made. I rarely ever look back on notes.

In my personal life, I would make to do lists. Big lists of things I wanted to achieve get done. Feel overwhelmed and not do it. So I would just set a timer and do a task for however longer I wanted to spend on it. I know what needs doing. I don’t need to have it marked on a piece of paper to tick it off.

So I can’t get into the habit of journaling, I don’t need to organise myself and I don’t really plan. I can’t find my ideal planner in a commercial setting so would need to be a custom. I have tried and I just don’t need a planner. I love the idea of having one but I just cannot make it work. If only I had reached this conclusion before the expense of a load of planners and a load of failed attempts.